How childhood experiences influence your love life

So how is your upbringing affecting your love life right now? If you fall in any of the categories listed below, let’s explain how your childhood may have influenced you and how you can love to the fullest regardless.

The avoider does not ask for help, they avoid excess emotional display and neediness. They like to have their space and are logical. They are almost cold and emotionless.

He or she learnt to be self-sufficient and independent because they grew up being loved based on performance and were not allowed to express their feelings in their formational years.

To experience love as an avoider, accept that your feelings are valid and normal. Express your feelings as much as you can and develop empathy for people so you don’t dismiss their emotions.

Vacillators did not grow up around parents who showed them stable love and affection. They were here one minute and gone the next.

Because of this, vacillators love the thrill of a new relationship, they idolize being in love, but they will always wait to receive love first. If they are not getting the love they imagine or envisioned, then they leave the relationship disappointed.

To experience love, the vacillator needs to show love more. They should try this with friendships and even get a pet or plant to care for. Believing they are worthy of love is so essential.

Pleasers grew up in strict houses and tried to do everything to please their parents.

In relationships, pleasers avoid conflict and do not say how they feel. They transfer people pleasing to their relationships too, they neglect their feelings and keep giving to their partners. This might make them settle for abusive relationships too.

To experience love and a healthy relationship, the pleaser needs to validate their own emotions, create boundaries and know that they will be loved even if they do not agree with their partners.

The victim grew up in an abusive and controlling home. Their parents might have been violent or drug abusers. Some kids will still want to please their abusive parents and make them happy, these kids learn to tolerate what normal people can’t condone.

They usually have little self-esteem and confidence and rely on their partner’s affections.

Victims need to experience unconditional love to heal completely and learn to stand up for themselves.

Controllers also grew up in abusive homes but instead of being victims, they fight back. Controllers are usually angry people who probably vowed never to be in a position of weakness.

To experience love, controllers need to know how to let go of their anger and accept love.